happy_grouch

Im sick of cooking.
Im sick of being upset.
Im sick of court cases
Child support letters.
Im sick of being accused.
Im sick of my mother's friends.
Im sick of some of my own friends.
Im sick of missing my friends.
Im sick of being a child of divorced parents.
IM SICK OF MY FUCKING NET BEING A BITCH.
Im sick of people getting sick of me.
And lying.
Im sick of my best friends parents.
And my other best friend's sister.
I hate all of them.
Im sick of so many things, Its not possible to list them all.


Im sick of it not being about the music.

Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.

I wear the black for those who never read,
Or listened to the words that Jesus said,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

I wear it for the sick and lonely old,
For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,
I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,
Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.

And, I wear it for the thousands who have died,
Believen' that the Lord was on their side,
I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died,
Believen' that we all were on their side.

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin' everywhere you go,
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You'll never see me wear a suit of white.

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

Gayyyyyyy

Claire, if you read this, could you please PLEASE get in contact with me, asap.

Thanks.

I had a weird weekend.
Im happy though.
We're moving house soon.
We're going to rent.
Weird.
I never ever picked my mum to rent.
She always said she wouldnt.
Oh well.
Ben and I are on speaking terms.
I went to his place twice this weekend.
We're getting on alot better.
Mum and him are basically back together.
But they wont be living together.
We're selling our place in Milton.
And getting Ben a shitbox house in Spring Hill (complete with squatters!!)
And we might buy,
But we might rent.
Inner city, thank god.



♥

So I've had a pretty hectic weekend. Starting off with Friday's mega uber huge breakdown and me ending up blacking out and not remembering anything and apparently hitting my mum and I have a random deep cut on my arm and bruised (though there is fake tan over it now AHAHAHAH ewww). Anyways so we ended up picking up Josh from the city, me crying and mum getting cranky and whatever. We went to Benns house mum and I talked for a bit then Josh and I watch the beginning of Underworld Evolution on Benns computer and it was shitty so we gave up. Then we watched Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Ahhh great movie.
Then we went home and started watching Waynes World 2. "I like to think I have an EYE for detail!".
But we got tired and went to sleep :)
So yeah wake up around 11 ish hang around for a bit, Go to the city and see friends etc. Regular kind of stuff. Josh went home so he could go to work and then I ended up hanging out with Matt (who is just lovely) and we went to priceline and bought lollipops and I made a new friend! His name is Calum! and so he bought me a purse, it says "I love you" on it, so now Matt, Calum and I have matching purses!.
Umm yea, then I went home and ended up going to Benns again and just watched this really scary movie called "The Machinest" AHHH FUCKING HELL ITS SCARY! Then Josh called and talked to me until I went to bed:)
Then because Mum was out Benn went to pick her up and we were going to go back home but Mum fell asleep so I had to stay at Benns but it was ok because Mum and Benn slept on the couch ahahah and my sister and I slept in this massive bed but my sister left halfway through the night.
So yeah woke up today, watched Jarhead, its pretty good hey.
Then went home, walked the dog, got ready (TALKED TO IVY OMGGG<3 I MISSED HERR!)
Met Josh, Mitch, Lisa, Jaimie and Jase and we all sat downstairs in HJs for ages (except Mitch left us the bastard!) Jase was really sick from getting stoned and Lisa and I got mad at him ahaha. Then he had this gross infected surface piercing on his arm and I took it out because it was gross.
And yeah, looked around for semi outfits, found a lovely black skirt but that was it, and some stockings but its stil pretty far off, I just dont want to do what I usually do and leave everything till the last minute.
Hmm. Yeah, more hanging around. Went to allens also for ages and saw Alf and Ali and hung out with the homies there for awhile.
At about 5.30 I got home. And yeah. Now nothing.

That was my standard weekened.
Im looking forward to the gig on friday night.


Also, I just thought Id share the news that sometime soon Mum will be selling her house in Milton and we are moving, but still in the inner city (thank god!) but we're buying two houses, or at least, Benn is buying a dump in Spring Hill (COMPLETE WITH SQUATTERS!!! EWWW!!!) and we might rent. But whatever.

In other news, my Dad and I have had a massive fight and I wont be going there for awhile.
And my mum and Dad went to court on Friday and now Dad has to pay mum money again (which is good because I dont live with him but he needs to contribute and yeah dont worry about it) and so mums not as stressy and its pretty much good.

Do You think Oscar just wakes up every morning..
and is like
"Hey.

I want to BE BRIGHT EYES".

??

Or is it just me and Alex K.
(Random theory from a long while ago).
( The )

Do You think Oscar just wakes up every morning..
and is like
"Hey.

I want to BE BRIGHT EYES".

??

Or is it just me and Alex K.
(Random theory from a long while ago).
( The )

And the voice inside my head is screaming at me
Telling me that things will be ok.

Part of me gives in

And pretends everything is ok.

The other part

the part that cares

wont let you go.

I wont ever let you leave me.

No matter what comes between us

I will always love you more

I love you Mathilde.

 

Im sick of my mother.

Constant Demands.

Her temper that is uncontrollable//insane.

Those who have witnessed it will understand.

 

I dont think anyone really understands me anymore.

I bet none of you know whats going on at home.

I hate pretending things are ok.

If you were wondering

My home life has been shit for ages.

Even with my stepdads absence,

I am afraid

Even to be in my own house.

 

In this current time of my life,

Im uncertain about almost everything;

Friendships.

School work.

My feelings.

Emotions.

Who I am.

What I want from life.

 

 

 

I want more of lifes simple pleasures.

Am I stupid?

 

( Cry In The Night, If I Helps. )

So Um.
Today was pretty good.
I dont know.
Meh.
Mumm found out about my tongue piercing.
So byebye piercing.
I didnt get in trouble.
Meh.
I GOT MY TAKING BACK SUNDAY TICKET WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
And.
I was late for school with Tilly.
Because we got them together
Cause thats how we roll.
Heehee.
And then we forgot to press the button at South Bank.
So we were even LATER for school than actually planned.
but we werent that late.
So all was good.

Yeah.
At lunch time Tilly made me fall over real hard
and I made her elbow bleed
and she made my wrist hurt.
Ouch.

THEN THE BEST THING EVER HAPPENED.
After school Andrew told me about how this shithead has been giving him shit
Because hes an "Emo"
[Andrew isnt even fucking emo! He has black hair. And thats it.]
And so I was like
"Thats it.
Hes FUCKED"
So I went and yelled at him
I was all like
"Are you going to discriminate against me because of the clothes I wear, the way I dress, the way I wear my hair, the music I listen to? Do You even know what Emo really is? Or are you going off the Dolly definition of what Emo is?."
And he went
"You have weird hair. Are you emo? And are you like.. depressed..? Do you cut yourself?"
And I was like
"I dont label myself, YOU label ME into whatever catergory you want to, whether its GOTH or EMO, it doesnt matter, you are shallow and you do not know me. Do you even KNOW what depression fucking is? Its a goddamned mental illness. Do your research and THEN come and talk to me".
And then he said something else I cant remember
And I was all
"You want to know what depression is ILL FUCKING TELL YOU WHAT IT IS
I had depression ALL of fucking last year I bet you wouldnt have even picked it out if you knew me. I wanted to die, I didnt want to be the person who I was and I definately had no sense of self worth. I had an abusive stepdad and YOU CAN GET FUCKED"
And then I kinder turned away and I was like
"If he says one more thing Im gonna punch him right in the face"
and hes like
"Ill fucking smash that emo bitch"
And I turned around real quick and walked over to him and because he is up to my shoulder height I stood and looked down on him and Tilly was holding me back because she knew I was actually getting really fucking mad about it I said
"Say that to my face, BITCH"
And he looked at my shoes and went really quietly
"Fight.. 330... busway"
And then I started laughing SO hard.
And left school.


And then I went to the city with Cam and Finn [who is scared of me] and Jack and Tilly and Jordy Jordy and that was nice and then I found Danni and Jacinta and we walked up to HJS and I found Brent, Claire, Siobhan, Marz, Jes, ANDYYYYYY WHOS NEW PIERCING LOOKS PRETTY AWESOME!!!, And ummmm some others I cant really remember but then Dannie and Jacinta were getting all edgy so I suggested DDR and so Danni who is freaking cute as hell DDR'd with me and it was pretty awesome.
And then Siobhan and Claire came down and watched me and Danni DDR.
And then
Siobhan walked me to the bus and WE HELD HANDS♥
that was really cute.
Then I was on the bus and I called Joshuaaaaarghhhhhh and talked to him and then when I got home I called him and I went for a walk and called him and then He had to go to work until 10.30 so basically I am filling in time until I can talk to him again♥♥

I really really like him.
Im happy with how things turned out between us.

Its nice being back at school with all my cool friends who arent all
HOMOGOD
PIERCINGS
AND
IM HARDCORE
AND EMOS
ARE GAY
Sure I get abused at school
But I feel confident this year
Ive told a fair few people
I am NOT going to take shit from anyone
So my advice is DONT piss me off this year
Because Ive had this building up inside of me since Grade 8.
And I WILL go off at you.


Thanks for reading. If you do..
xLucy

I HAVE A NEW NAME
I WILL ONLY RESPOND TO THIS

luceh-wid-da-loose-NIGGA-ments

Kudos to Alex!!


K.
Its been awhile.
As In.
A couple of days.
Since I last updated.
So.
Here we go.

Friday. Schhool. Bad.
Gets on bus and goes to Scarborough aka Joshuaaaaaaarrr's house.
There was a big car smash outside his house and him and I were scared because we thought it could be his mum.
But it wasnt so it was ok.
Yeah.
We watched TV and talked and ate dinner and talked and watched Donnie Darko and fell asleep.
And I woke up next to him, yey♥
Thats seriously the nicest feeling in the world.

Uhmmmmmmm.
City on Saturday for a bit. Which was ok. I ate half a strip sub combo and i felt so sick I thought I was going to have a baby or some shit it was weird.
And yeah
Went home.
Slept.
Blah blah blah.
Sunday I dyed my hair.
Sat on the computer.
Ate easy mac.

Seriously everyone ripped into me today! What is it, hate Lucy day?
Meh.
I dont care.

HOMOGOD IM GETTING MY TAKING BACK SUNDAY TICKET TOMORROW HOMOOOOOOOOGODDDDDDDDDD
IM EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

And yeah.
I dont know.
Haha.

Mitch:

I wish his First name was Bob..

Then his initials would be BMW.

Am I honestly the only person in the world who found that hilarious?

I am awesome because
I dress and talk like a wigger.
Even at school.
I drooled at everyone on the bus.
I screamed so loud on the bus when Mathilde bit me
everyone went pyscho.
I listen to Brand New... All night.
I react in a very smart way when Claire told me stuff.
I print out pictures of Mathilde and Josh and Siobhan and I
And glue them on my school diary
Because I dont give a shit
And my planned response to new, evil, dual-eye-coloured form teacher will be as follows

"Well. You have two different coloured eyes. So you can just shut up ok?".

I smile. Lots.
I have breakfast dates with Tilly.


Tillys perfect.
I love that I come home and talk to Josh for ages.
I love that I cheered Mitch up.
I love that I dont take shit from anyone at school anymore.

I love that I had the SHITTEST day ever
And coming home and talking to Josh and Tilly and getting an entry posted about me by Kirsty just makes me so happy.
And I cant stop smiling.



Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to.

As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go
and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head.
I wrote a message on my pillow that says, "Jesse, stay asleep in bed."
So don't apologize. I hope you choke and die.
Search your cell for something with which to hang yourself.
They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven
but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to
And everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again.)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.

And is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let's end this call, and end this conversation.
and is that what you call a getaway?
well tell me what you got away with.
cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)
And everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)


Perfect.

I just realised.
I give hardly anything away
In my LJ entries
Yet to me they put all my feelings out
In the open
For all to read

So Im going to write a NORMAL LJ entry.. In case you want to know anything.
Meh.
I dont care.

Ok well Friday lets see. I went and met Josh in the city which was grand I also saw some others I cant really remember. I went to "coffee" with Mum and Dad, whoa, amazing, they are divorced and we had a conversation about where I was going to live and my new counsellor and anti depressents and all that jazz, it was quite amusing.. They were both really nice and supportive and I was happy about that. Then I went off and searched for my friends I found Josh again.
I went to Josh's that night.. We watched movies like Raise Your Voice AHAH and and Napoleon Dynomite and The Ring 2. And yeah. It was so fucking funny, Josh was making these two horses rape eachother and being like "Oh baby look at my.. slick hair.. Im alllll mannn baby ALL MANNN" I think you kinder had to be there.. Aha. And yeah we were making his cats run into the walls and stuff with a lasorlight it was chasing it was really funny.

Anyways I dont wanna talk about it too much but Josh and I were talking and stuff and we kissed and after awhile we were just laying next to eachother and he was like "Were you just doing that because you were bored or because you liked me?" and I didnt really know what to say so then we talked and I asked him if he liked me and he was like "Yes" and I got all happy and stuff because I thought I was not good enough, that I had no chance with someone so fucking perfect.. And yeah. So now we're going out. Long long story short.
And I couldnt be happier.

In the morning I woke up and I was all smiley and happy and it was raining and shiz and it was awesome cause I like rain and we watched Josh's Silverstein DVD and then lots of Live alexisonfire and Thursday then went to the city and I pretty much went home at 2 cause I was needed at Dads. Then I slept from 2.30 til 4 went to some randoms place my parents made me go to and then slept from 5 till 9 pm. Came home went on the net.. Dealt with a fair bit of problems.. It was basically Mitch being weird about everything and Tilly too but now all is sorted and Im very happy about that.

And today I woke up I have left the house once to go for a walk and ended up running into Jes and Carys which was fucking random..

But yes.
Happy Lucy.
School = Mathilde = Great.

♥

Argh.
ARGHHHHHHH!
I am NOT a bitch
about this whole thing
You've put ME
on a spot
And
You make me feel so bad
Yet
Its an insult to alot of people
When you say
"Im so alone".
Youre NOT.
You have many many friends
Youre not alone
You just can't talk about it
You distance yourself from everyone
I dont know why



Im so happy
Because I'm talking to Morgan
I miss her company
I miss talking to her
Im making a promise
Im going to talk to her alot more
I feel terrible
for being like I have been
In the last couple of weeks

I miss her
Im glad were talking again


Im so happy because
of what happened on Friday
Just thinking about it
makes me smile

Im happy because
Me and Mathilde talked and stuff
and realised how much we
need eachother

Im mad because
Im being forced guilt onto myself
And its not like
I even deserve it

Im happy because
I feel better about myself
Ever since
about 2 weeks ago
I realised I deserve more
Than shitty friendships
and fake relationships

I dont really understand this myself
I dont really expect many of you to understand this
so.

Goodbye.

My head is resting against your shoulders
You take your hands in mine
I want to stay like this forever
Your heart says "Please Don't Let Me Go"

Saying goodbye for the day is hard
Passing the time by with pointless activities
When will I see you next?
Each day we grow closer

I want you to be here with me
Holding you so we don't fall apart
Protection from this cruel world
I'd like to think you need me as much as I need you.

You held my hand
You held my hand

Comfort is to be in your arms
Just hold me
What we have right here
Its perfection.

Looking back.

Well school starts in almost a week. How amazing. Two months of not seeing people.
Its amazing. Over the two months so much has happened. I'm not going to recall all my stories, my fun times, my many emotional moments.. Because that's just boring for you all to read.

But
I've met the most amazing boy.
Ilovehim

He's my best friend.

Honestly. He's amazing.
I spent all day talking to him online.
And we were both on webcam.
And then
When He had to leave
We spoke for 3 hours on the phone.

Now he's back online.

Far out.

We talk alot.

I love Joshua Mark Weldon.



Words just dont cut it

You mean everything to me.


So, now you're not there,
but your ghost still burns in the air.
And finally above us the waves have come,
to take you away.

And with this song, I'll say good bye,
and thank you for what you've done to my life.
Finally, I'll say it with love.
I hope you rest, in the stars above.
And I don't understand what you died for.
We still could have given so much more.
Even though you were something I could never be.
I know you're still there watching over me.

Now.

Stolen off imapirate7

5 YEARS AGO

How old were you? 10
What grade were you in? 5 I think
Where did you go to school? Saint Joseph's Primary, Kangaroo Point.
Where did you work? Work was for old people
Where did you live? Brisbane
Where did you hang out? Ermm. SKATEPARK.<3
How was your hair style? Like blondy short-ish...
Did you wear braces? Nuh, and never have
Did you wear glasses? Yeap
Who was your best friend? Michele Anne Williams.
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? Didnt have one
Who was your celebrity crush? Hum.. I dont remember!
Who was your regular-person crush? Michael ahaha. 
How many piercing did you have? NIL.
How many tattoos did you have? UHder Niguh.
What was your favorite band? Green Day.
What was your biggest fear? Not making a name for myself.
Had you smoked a cigarette yet? By the end of the next year, yes..
Had you gotten drunk or high yet? Nope
Had you driven yet? Helped

----------------------------------------------------------------
LET’S SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------

How old are you? 15 years old.
What grade are you in? 11.
Where do you go to school? Brisbane State Hell Hole High
Where do you work? McDonalds. But I avoid it.
Where do you live? Milton.
Where do you hang out? The City
How is your hair style? EMOOO
Do you wear braces? Not
Do you wear glasses? Ofcourse.
Who is your best friend? Tilly, Josh
Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend? Meh. No one.
Who is your celebrity crush? Jake Gyllenhall.
Who is your regular-person crush? Meh
How many/what piercings do you have? Um.. My ears, belly button and tongue..
How many/what tattoos do you have? Zero.
What's your favorite band/singer? Green Day, Avenged Sevenfold, Dallas Green.
What is your biggest fear? Being lonlely.
Have you gotten drunk or high yet? Not high, but drunk oh so many times.
Have you driven yet? Ya. Not cool

Me and Josh do cute things on cam.

Couple of things
Id really appreciate if you could comment the song

And tell me what you think of it// what it means.

Second thing

I have a new icon

Its a picture of me

THAT DOESNT LOOK LIKE ME SURPRISE SURfuckingPRISE

<33

I got a song written for me.


v1
You Say You Dont Care, What If I Did The Same?
We wouldn't be friends, dont play that game..
You're on a mission, You're going nowhere, please baby
Please have the heart to care
Dont leave me now

ch
The doctors are wrong, You'd be such a pretty waste
And nothing's in ink yet, The flowers are blooming
your favourite colour, and the fire still burns..

v2
Dear Diary, You are the only one that listens
And it hurts so much because you wont talk back
I'll stop complaining, and stop talking too.
And to my best friends, I'm sorry.

ch
The doctors are wrong, You'd be such a pretty waste
And nothing's in ink yet, The flowers are blooming
your favourite colour, and the fire still burns..

bridge/outro
If I sing this song.. Will You make a promise?
Dont leave.. You're keeping the balance.

Teenage Depression Never Sucked So Bad
Black never shed a tear, And we've cried too many
We'll make a comeback and live forever

teenage Depression...never sucked so bad

Youre all fuckingnr gehy

I mean liek
Im talking to emma and josh
and yes im fucking drunk
well fuck that
im listening to dallas green
fucjjk hes fucking amaszinf
i loveeee it

im all dizzy and yeah

so yestersday was the rufio/avalain druve / sat nothing gug

it was fucking anazxubg

I webbt with josh abne mitch

and lisa and stuff
but ohjshh and i were like mad buddies and we yelled out PLAYU ABOVE ME
and the lead singer of ruifops like OK
adn me and josha re like ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

it was amazsing

i lovedit soo umuch

mitch and josh then stayed at mine
it was o mad we wathce movies and josh slept on my florr AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
i love him so much
mitch and i ate easy mac dor dinner agt lik 11

and for breakfast we ate cocopops<33333333

Oi man josh is so amazing i hate everone who fucked him oever he is A TRUEL FRINED<3433333